The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
