Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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