I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
