i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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