someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Please, let me fuck your mom
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
