wrigley field is MILF paradise
I looked at my own cervix.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
