i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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