Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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