So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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