Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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