All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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