no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
