what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
