what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When are your genitals available?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
