So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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