just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
love makes seman taste better
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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