The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
