everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
