Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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