mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
