his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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