Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
