I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
