I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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