We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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