and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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