you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
