i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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