if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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