then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
