Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
