I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
