so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
