I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
