My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The air taste purple.
Randomize