I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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