Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
