just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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