I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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