dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
