So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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