Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
