What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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