you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
