Can i not drive my cunt home
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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