lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
