he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
