I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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