If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
