i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
