i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
