I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I supernannyed him into submission
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