I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
