Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Enjoy the penises
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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