I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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