when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
