What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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