alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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