So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The adults are the big ones right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
