End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
