this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
