I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
