so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
