He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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