I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
