whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
