You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
