I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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