like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
