Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
