I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize