I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
