Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
