I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So drunk its hurt
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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