worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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