...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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