Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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